


When the sun sets.

by fxlminare



Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [46]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Break Up, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, POV Bellamy Blake, Post-Break Up, Song Lyrics, Song: Setting Sun (Lord Huron), Unrequited Love, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23552629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxlminare/pseuds/fxlminare
Summary: Bellamy fic based on the song 'setting sun' by Lord Huron
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Reader
Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [46]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110968
Kudos: 1





	When the sun sets.

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** guys, I cannot express how much I love this song: the voice, the melody, the lyricism? Give it a go, please.

**_I've been waiting for you to come,  
Staring out at the setting sun.  
You've been running around again,  
With that boy you call your friend._ **

I sighed, looking around the camp from my privileged position at the top of the guard's tower. It had been a calm day, no encounters with Grounders, no misunderstandings ending up in an altercation inside the walls... it was starting to become the rule, which I appreciated. Nothing much was going on.

It was almost nighttime, placing my hand over my eyes to watch the sun setting in front of us. It was beautiful, mesmerizing even, but it felt so dull not having someone to watch it with. I had lost hope of recovering Y/N; I had lost her to my own stupidity and now someone else had fallen for her. Did I blame them? No. Did I wish they'd just... disappear? Constantly.

I heard her laughter just below my place, so I moved back to find her, looking down and seeing her holding onto the boy's arms for support, her head thrown back and eyes closed as she laughed like she had done with me so many times. No, her laughter was more real with me.

**_And it's driving me insane.  
Does he make you say his name?  
And you can't get it off your tongue.  
Little girl, you are not so young._ **

I hated seeing her in someone else's arms; I hated knowing she had moved on; I hated seeing her retreat into his room at night like it was her own. Had she moved in with him? That sure had been faster than with me. And I loathed it. I didn't even want to think of what went on in there. It drove me insane thinking of her naked skin under someone else, calling out their name instead of mine like it should be; pleading them for more like she had pleaded me. No, it could never be like it was with me because she was with someone else and not with me and no one was like me.

I hated hearing his name falling from her lips around the camp, watching her eyes sparkle as soon as she found him in the crowd. I wondered if they had done the same when she looked at me. No, they'd have shone brighter for it had been for me. She had to know everything had been better with me. Maybe it had been, maybe she had been my best but I wasn't hers. No, it couldn't be. She knew it, she was just faking it.

**_Does it hurt when you lie to me?  
If you'd asked, I'd set you free.  
But the time to forgive is gone,  
The day has passed, the night has come._ **

I had run into her at the end of my shift. She was alone for once and not surrounded by the boy's friend group or with his stupid arms around her waist. I was glad; I don't think I could've controlled myself. I had to talk to her so I grabbed her wrist, pulling her with me to the end of a corridor, preventing her from leaving. I was going to make her say it; I knew she needed someone to set her free from this new thing she had gotten herself into.

\- "You still love me, don't you, Y/N?"

\- "I don't."

\- "Don't lie to me."

\- "I'm not lying." -she pushed me away- "I've moved on, you should do the same."

\- "I forgive you."

\- "Forgive me?!" -she scoffed, narrowed eyes looking into mine- "You forgive me?!" -she mocked me, shaking her head- "Fuck you, Bellamy. I'm so glad you're not part of my life anymore."

She left before I could even digest her words. How could she say that? She had to be lying, yet again. I wondered if I could forgive all her lies, especially that last one. If I didn't know any better, I'd have believed her.

**_Ain't you worried what I'll do?  
And that boy should worry, too.  
Can you face me for what you've done?  
Little girl, you're not so young._ **

I watched them walking around, his hand soon finding hers, interlacing their fingers together and pulling her closer to him. I clenched my teeth as I cleaned my gun from my assigned post for the day. It'd be so easy... He looked back, directly at me, not needing to search for me; he knew where I was. He smiled mockingly, pulling Y/N to him and moving his hand to her hips. I clenched my fists at my sides. He should be more careful who he messed with. Maybe he was just stupid. How could she be with him? That was it, she wasn't able to face me the other day because she was ashamed of who she had decided to mingle with; she could see it easy as day. She wasn't stupid, she just didn't know how to get rid of him.

**_Oh, is he ready to die for you, baby?  
Naw, but you know I was.  
I was fondly living,  
But I would have given it all for the girl I love._ **

With time, he had started to show his true colors; he wasn't as glued to Y/N as he used to be, watching her some times even about to beg for some crumbles of his love. It angered me almost as much as it saddened me. He didn't love her like I did. He was an asshole; an asshole that didn't know what he had.

I caught him flirting with other people at times. It infuriated me. He even did it in front of Y/N. The worst part? She knew it and she didn't seem to care. She knew he didn't love her like I did. He wouldn't protect her like I had for so long, he wouldn't kill for her like I had, her wouldn't die for her like I would. The best part of my life had been finding her, exploring a new life with her, wanting to live like I never had before but I'd have given it all up to save her in a heartbeat, no hesitation, no questions asked: her life was so much more than mine, worth more than I could offer. But he didn't think like that; I doubted he even cared.

**_Oh, is he ready to die for you, baby?  
Now that the deed is done.  
I'm just waiting for the night,  
And the fading light of the setting sun._ **

I should have shot him where he stood. He didn't even ask for her like I had screamed her name as I saw them carrying her back inside the camp. She had left on a hunting trip with him; I didn't know what had happened but she was injured and he didn't seem to care: he got checked up and left medical, watching him drinking booze with his friends while Y/N was alone in the cold recovery room. I stood next to her as she slept, knowing she'd kick me out as soon as she woke up, but knowing I'd rather be thrown out than ignoring her, letting her be alone in such a place. That was no way to love.

I loaded my gun as I got out of the ship, finding comfort in the clicking sound. It was almost sunset time again. Y/N had woken up and thrown me out of the room, asking for the stupid boy; I had lied by omission, not telling her that I knew where he was, that I knew he was no good for her, that he didn't love her as I did. I didn't tell her because I saw the sadness in her eyes as she focused them on me, realizing I wasn't who she expected, realizing I wasn't who she wanted me to be. That hurt. Deep. But I'd fix it.

**_Tell me when did I lose your love?  
Was it him you were thinking of,  
All those nights when you made me swoon,  
Making love beneath the moon?_ **

I sat alone with my bottle of booze, watching the smiling couples talking happily under the stars, hoping she could be there with me. I watched some of them dance, others talk and some leave to their room as the tone of their kisses started to escalate. And that got me thinking of the last time we made love. It had been so good, so loving, so caring and gentle. I took a sip of the foul alcohol. She had whispered my name so many times, screamed it too for the forest to hear as the stars and the moon watched us consume our love, consume our feelings and lay vulnerably in each other's arms. Had she thought about him already back then? No, it had been my name the one that had fallen from her lips, it had been my touch she had craved, my body the one she desired. Had I lost her after that experience? After that moment in which everything seemed unimportant except for being hers?

**_Were you dreaming of his touch?  
When you couldn't get enough.  
Was there truth in the songs you sang?  
Little girl, you're not so young._ **

No, she had been completely mine like I had been hers. I still was hers as much as she ignored it. We had spent countless unforgettable moments together. I knew she still thought about them when her eyes found mine in the crowd, almost longingly but never enough. It hadn't even just been about the sex or about how well our bodies fitted together, it wasn't about how she knew my body like I knew hers, how only she could have me on my knees with just a look. No, it had been about the pure intimacy I felt whenever I was with her: hunting trips, meetings, walking around the camp, training or even just sitting by the fire with her in my arms. We had danced and sang love songs together, songs full of promises and hope for our future together. Had it all been a lie? Did she ever really felt that way? Had I ever truly known her? Really known what she truly desired?

**_Well, I could never betray your love,  
You had me, heart and soul.  
You might never have known it, girl,  
But I was all yours.  
I know I'll never reclaim your love,  
But that's just how it goes.  
I ain't the person I was this morning when the sun rose._ **

I didn't know exactly where I had gone wrong but I was certain I had never betrayed her. Well, that was a lie, I knew what I had done wrong, one of the things I had missed at least. I had loved her deeply, I still did, she meant everything to me. So, my biggest mistake? Not telling her. Sure, I had made sure she knew by my actions, by the way I always made sure she was safe and taken care of, by how I always asked about her day had been and massaged her shoulders when she was stressed, by how I kissed her nose and got lost in her voice and in her eyes when she spoke to me about the things she loved. But I had been too weak, too scared, too intimidated by the reverential weight of speaking my feelings out loud. I had been stupid. And now, I had lost her.

I had pondered all my options, trying to decipher exactly what I could do to deserve her again, to show her that we still had a chance at a future together. But, in the end, all I came up with was the realization that I had missed my chance with her, seeing how happy the boy made her as much as he could never live up to my standards. Maybe I was measuring myself to a different criteria: I wasn't supposed to meet my own expectations but to live up to hers. Maybe I thought I was better -and surely I was- but that didn't mean I was right for her. The realization had hit me like a truck, everything I had thought about my life up until that point, crumbling to pieces, losing the person I had been to this new persona fighting to come out of my chest and live my life for me.

**_Well, I could never betray your love,  
You had me, heart and soul.  
You might never have known it, girl,  
But I was all yours.  
I know I'll never reclaim your love,  
But that's just how it goes.  
I ain't the person I was this morning when the sun rose._ **

I had been hers since I met her and, truth was, I'd be hers until the world ended for even after death, I'd be hers. I knew I'd never be able to find love like hers; I knew all too well I'd never be able to move on... I wasn't sure I wanted to either. I wondered whether I should tell her before I acted; before I did what I knew all along I was going to do. Would that be selfish?

I caught a glimpse of hers as she ran up to him, jumping into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck as he spun them around, kissing her; I had to move my gaze. It hurt too much. It wasn't the time to finally speak my feelings out loud, I had missed my window.

**_I know I'll never replace your love and that's as hard as it gets.  
So I'll be taking a life this evening when the sun sets._ **

I sat in my bed that final afternoon, looking around, hearing the laughter and dances going on outside like every other week to remind ourselves that life still had meaning; that all this, all we had built was about more than just surviving. It was. It was about love all along. I wished I had realized it before losing my own.

The sun finally set, flooding my room with as much darkness as I felt inside. I moved to my side table, picking up my gun and making sure it was loaded before heading out. No one seemed to really notice me. That worked in my favor. _It'll all be over soon._ I found her sat with him in a more quiet area, almost private; she was smiling as he held her hand in hers. I walked up to them, taking out my gun and standing in front of her. It would all be over soon.

**Author's Note:**

> **This one flowed so nicely. It's one of my favorites pieces, ngl. Thoughts?**


End file.
